Today, I want to write about a topic
that is close to my heart. It is a topic that I sincerely believe in
and pray is addressed more and more in the church independently.
The heading says it all. Some would cringe at it, others would go, 'not again', while others would want to know exactly what I have to say. Growing up, I loved topics about relationships, until I got to a point where I thought I had heard everything there was to say on it. But God has a funny way of putting you in your place and making you realise, you are a student for life.
I will be honest today and say
something I normally do not say. I have been single all of my life.
In fact, single, is probably all I know how to be. My family has been
very supportive of my decision, although they wouldn't be boys if
they didnt taunt me over it. So I have learnt to take the jokes. I however, do
not talk about it a lot with people because yes, I have been made to
feel ashamed of it, sometimes naïve, other times proud but all in
all, I have learnt to not talk about it. Already, I know some people
cant believe this of me but yeah that is it.
I figured today, that I should write
about it.....with a huge nudge from the Holy Spirit of course. I have
learnt so much in this area and lived it. I do not take credit
though....the years just passed and God preserved me and also blessed
me with some stubbornness...lol
As long as we have all lived, we have
at one time been single. If you are in a relationship right now, I
want you to remember a time, when you were single. There was no guy
to think about, no child fees to pay, no any such responsibility.
What did you focus on then? For some it will be your career, for
others, trying to be in a relationship and others, just plain fun.
Very few would have totally just been focused on God. I went though
all these phases. There was a time school was my life, then maybe I
wanted a boyfriend, but that was never all-consuming as my need to be
successful and then thankfully there was God. I want to share with
you things today that I have learnt as a single person, that we all
need as singles. And I pray that these words sink deep into your
heart.
To begin with, relationships are not
for girls. They are for grown-up women. I started developing
physically into a woman when I was very young. I later learned from
my mom that when I began to grow she went off to cry on her friend's
shoulder that it was too soon, I was only a little girl, her herself,
having been a late bloomer. The other week I was talking to a 12-year
old girl who was talking about boys and all but all I could see was
soo much innocence erupting from her; And I wanted to contain it in
her. What girls need to realise is that they can not handle
relationships. They will break you. It is meat and not the milk they
so greatly need for their development. The first female mentioned in
the Bible was created mature. She was a woman, not a girl for Adam.
The Lord had been the one to mould her into someone comparable to
Adam. He had been the one to present her to Adam. She was God's gift
to Adam. God does not desire that He presents, unfinished products to
His sons. He will not let you embarrass yourself. This is why for the
girl, it is important that firstly, you mature, not just physically
but in the Lord. And when He is done with you, He will present you to
your Adam.
The problem is thinking we are mature
to handle it. We go on into the world because physically we feel
ready. And the whispers of the world consume us. Not realising that
God wants His time with us. He wants to teach you and to mould you
into a woman first for Him and then suitable for Adam. As one has
said, maturity, is not a thing of age. You can be 40 and still be a
girl. A lady I esteem recently was talking about how a lot of us
women already know the theme of our weddings, the type of dress we
want to wear, the kitchen to have, the wardrobe we want our husband
to get us, but how we know nothing of what marriage entails. We then
get shocked when we realise that it is a form of ministry and we will
have to serve another for the rest of our lives. We at present, fail
to serve in the church but we think we are ready for marriage. We can
not make our own beds, but we think we will make the marriage bed.
Honestly, the more I grow, the more I realise how so many areas in my
life need work and this is far more important than picking out a
wedding dress. If you are single, I would like to challenge you
today, to forget your age and be real with yourself. Are the reasons
you desire to be in a relationship, unselfish or selfish? Is it
because you are the one who turns up at a function without a guy on
the side, or the one who still has no kids? Is it because you planned
that by the time you were 30 you would have been married and you are
still not and so you are panicking? Do you have reasons that do not
revolve around you? If they all revolve around you, or your physical
desires, then you are not ready. Please accept your position as a
girl and desire the sincere milk of the word that you may grow
thereby- 1 Peter 2:2.
As I grow older and a bunch of my
friends grow older, I am sensing a desperation among us single
ladies. Forgive my frankness. To a certain level, it is to be
understood but in no way tolerated for I believe it creates a
loophole through which the devil can feed us destructive information.
Listening to Mark Driscoll the other day, I learnt of two extremes.
The world tells women to be independent and not need anyone. That men
will pull them down and what not. Consequently, created is an army of
feminists. On the other hand, the Church has idolised marriage and
family to the extent that if one is single, it is sort of abnormal.
That is food for thought. Personally, I saw the truth in it.
So often, the
first question I am asked in the Church is whether I am in a
relationship. I have been fielding this question all my life. I have
never once been asked about what I am doing with my singleness. On
the other hand, the system of this world has always pushed me to push
myself academically and let no man tamper with my future. It has been
a constant battle of two extremes. But it need not be so. I believe
for the single person, only God should be your focus. And it is in
that, that the balance is found.
There is no reason a woman can't be
complete in God without a husband. If you want to get married, get
married for the right reasons, not because everyone is doing it, or
because time is running out. Do not give in to a desperate spirit
that forces you to put up with someone less than what you would want.
It is a wrong decision, and when times gets tough, the friends you
are trying to impress or silence now, will not be there to help. I
know it can be scary to be alone, but you have to remember that
thanks to the Holy Spirit, you are not alone. Don't indulge yourself
in loneliness. If you are lonely now, you will still be lonely when
you get married. It will only be worse there, however because there
will be another person who should have been able to make you feel
not lonely, but unfortunately cant. You will be facing the
consequences of your desperation every single day.
The greatest benefit of being single is
pursuing the most beautiful relationship of all, with God. Being
involved with God will train us for a time to come. We should not
forget this. While we are single, we can start praying early in the
morning for hours, without having any responsibility to answer
to...we can go to as many prayer meetings as we desire. We can invest
and spoil ourselves. Being single should be fun and liberating. It
shouldn't make you walk around as though you have been wrestling all
night. Stand tall and march on. Our priority can be God. SHOULD BE
GOD. As TD Jakes has said, 'It is unfortunate that the thing we
complain about the most is the need we have for a husband and rarely
boast of how the kind of relationship we are free to build with God.'
Take advantage of this time.
Do not get me wrong, there is nothing
wrong with wanting to be married. But simply take care of the things
of the Lord while you are waiting. Minister to the Lord. Focus on
your growth and don't play with fire. Do not awaken love before its
time. Do not be envious of married women. Just go on serving God and
ministering to Him. A pursuit of anything else other than Him will
lead to wrong decisions. Desire greatly for Him who is able to do
everything, and not for a man who will just be able to do some
things.
Being single and devoted to the Lord,
does not mean that you will not want to be in a relationship. God
ordained that need. But realise that at that moment, God is the one
for you. He is the man of your dreams and He takes that role
seriously. For starters, look at the beautiful woman He is geared
into making you. I mean, write the check, baby!!!!!! He will field
it. Look at all the favours He showers over you. He guards you
protectively and , if you will trust Him, He will shield you from any
harm. Be it a manipulative man or whatever he may be. He will help
you in guarding your heart. He will save you many tears. He has plans
for you. Good perfect plans. One thing I have realised as well is
that God will remain faithful even when you are not faithful. He will
continue looking out for you even when you would rather He not. He
will fight for you, and believe in you. What woman would not want
that? You are His treasure. Act like one. And then He will make sure
He gives you off to a man who will love you like He does, who will
realise the treasure you are. Who would not want that? I know I do.
I have learnt that there is a special
relationship God cultivates with a single woman. I believe it is to
be seen in the eyes of an earthly Father who completely melts with
love for his daughter. A lot of us may not relate with this because
of the relationship we have had with our dads or men in our lives.
But a father who loves his daughter, will completely bend over
backwards for her when she speaks to Him and she will do the same
for Him. It is so very special. But just think then: how much more can it be with
God. In the Bible, I think it is Mary, the Mother of Jesus who
depicts this relationship in its fullest. She was not married. A
virgin. God's beloved lady. Although the Bible does not say much
about it, I do believe she was a woman who was completely yielded to
God. So yielded in fact, that God felt confident enough that she would
carry the Saviour into this world without fighting Him all the way.
She was receptive. I can tell you today, that that doesnt happen
overnight. Trusting God in such a way is a product of a lot of
prayers, a lot of converstions with Him, a lot of intimate knowledge
of Him. God gave her, His perfect will for her and she accepted just like
that. The man fell in line...LOL...she did not have to seduce him or
manipulate him, God did it for her.
See, God works miracles. Do you get
that? He majors in these things. There is no striving with Him. He
would shock you. Through my life, I have often asked the question:
Lord, if I do nothing then who will? Who will bring the man to me?
Every single time, He said: 'I will Ruth. Just wait. I will'. I have
told Him, 'but You do know that I rarely meet men I like, right?' But
all along, I never knew He was growing patience in me. And patience,
is not fun, it can be bitter, but its fruit is sweet. When you see
the end, you say, WOW!! Alot of us do not want to be patient. We do
not believe that God would get a man for us. We want to do it
ourselves. That, am sorry to say is childish. A child will say it so
many times, 'leave me alone!! I will do it.' Then when they fail, they
ask for help. God offers help before you mess up, take heed. And even
if you do mess up, He will still be there. Every good and perfect gift comes
from Him. He will give you a good man, if you will wait for Him. And
you will be a good wife because you will be a gift to your husband.
And believe me, God wants to give His sons good ones too so if you
want to be a candidate, please yield yourself to Him. I am still
doing that and by His grace I still believe in what he has taught me
and continues to. One day, I will have a testimony of His
faithfulness.
In the mean time, as singles we ought
to learn to abide in the same calling wherein we were called- 1
Corinthians 7:20. That is to say, the person who is single should be
abiding, not wrestling with their singleness. Rather than spending
all of our effort trying to change our position, we need to learn to
develop the position He has placed us in. We have to learn in
whatsover state we are in, therewith to be content- Phil 4:11.
Let us, by the mercies of God, present
our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is
our reasonable service- Romans 12:1.
Stay Blessed Ladies...:)
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