SINGLENESS

Today, I want to write about a topic that is close to my heart. It is a topic that I sincerely believe in and pray is addressed more and more in the church independently.

 The heading says it all. Some would cringe at it, others would go, 'not again', while others would want to know exactly what I have to say. Growing up, I loved topics about relationships, until I got to a point where I thought I had heard everything there was to say on it. But God has a funny way of putting you in your place and making you realise, you are a student for life.

I will be honest today and say something I normally do not say. I have been single all of my life. In fact, single, is probably all I know how to be. My family has been very supportive of my decision, although they wouldn't be boys if they didnt taunt me over it. So I have learnt to take the jokes. I  however, do not talk about it a lot with people because yes, I have been made to feel ashamed of it, sometimes naïve, other times proud but all in all, I have learnt to not talk about it. Already, I know some people cant believe this of me but yeah that is it.

I figured today, that I should write about it.....with a huge nudge from the Holy Spirit of course. I have learnt so much in this area and lived it. I do not take credit though....the years just passed and God preserved me and also blessed me with some stubbornness...lol

As long as we have all lived, we have at one time been single. If you are in a relationship right now, I want you to remember a time, when you were single. There was no guy to think about, no child fees to pay, no any such responsibility. What did you focus on then? For some it will be your career, for others, trying to be in a relationship and others, just plain fun. Very few would have totally just been focused on God. I went though all these phases. There was a time school was my life, then maybe I wanted a boyfriend, but that was never all-consuming as my need to be successful and then thankfully there was God. I want to share with you things today that I have learnt as a single person, that we all need as singles. And I pray that these words sink deep into your heart.

To begin with, relationships are not for girls. They are for grown-up women. I started developing physically into a woman when I was very young. I later learned from my mom that when I began to grow she went off to cry on her friend's shoulder that it was too soon, I was only a little girl, her herself, having been a late bloomer. The other week I was talking to a 12-year old girl who was talking about boys and all but all I could see was soo much innocence erupting from her; And I wanted to contain it in her. What girls need to realise is that they can not handle relationships. They will break you. It is meat and not the milk they so greatly need for their development. The first female mentioned in the Bible was created mature. She was a woman, not a girl for Adam. The Lord had been the one to mould her into someone comparable to Adam. He had been the one to present her to Adam. She was God's gift to Adam. God does not desire that He presents, unfinished products to His sons. He will not let you embarrass yourself. This is why for the girl, it is important that firstly, you mature, not just physically but in the Lord. And when He is done with you, He will present you to your Adam.

The problem is thinking we are mature to handle it. We go on into the world because physically we feel ready. And the whispers of the world consume us. Not realising that God wants His time with us. He wants to teach you and to mould you into a woman first for Him and then suitable for Adam. As one has said, maturity, is not a thing of age. You can be 40 and still be a girl. A lady I esteem recently was talking about how a lot of us women already know the theme of our weddings, the type of dress we want to wear, the kitchen to have, the wardrobe we want our husband to get us, but how we know nothing of what marriage entails. We then get shocked when we realise that it is a form of ministry and we will have to serve another for the rest of our lives. We at present, fail to serve in the church but we think we are ready for marriage. We can not make our own beds, but we think we will make the marriage bed. Honestly, the more I grow, the more I realise how so many areas in my life need work and this is far more important than picking out a wedding dress. If you are single, I would like to challenge you today, to forget your age and be real with yourself. Are the reasons you desire to be in a relationship, unselfish or selfish? Is it because you are the one who turns up at a function without a guy on the side, or the one who still has no kids? Is it because you planned that by the time you were 30 you would have been married and you are still not and so you are panicking? Do you have reasons that do not revolve around you? If they all revolve around you, or your physical desires, then you are not ready. Please accept your position as a girl and desire the sincere milk of the word that you may grow thereby- 1 Peter 2:2.

As I grow older and a bunch of my friends grow older, I am sensing a desperation among us single ladies. Forgive my frankness. To a certain level, it is to be understood but in no way tolerated for I believe it creates a loophole through which the devil can feed us destructive information. Listening to Mark Driscoll the other day, I learnt of two extremes. The world tells women to be independent and not need anyone. That men will pull them down and what not. Consequently, created is an army of feminists. On the other hand, the Church has idolised marriage and family to the extent that if one is single, it is sort of abnormal. That is food for thought. Personally, I saw the truth in it.

So often, the first question I am asked in the Church is whether I am in a relationship. I have been fielding this question all my life. I have never once been asked about what I am doing with my singleness. On the other hand, the system of this world has always pushed me to push myself academically and let no man tamper with my future. It has been a constant battle of two extremes. But it need not be so. I believe for the single person, only God should be your focus. And it is in that, that the balance is found.

Paul wrote in 1 Corinthian 7:32-'I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs —how he can please the Lord.'

There is no reason a woman can't be complete in God without a husband. If you want to get married, get married for the right reasons, not because everyone is doing it, or because time is running out. Do not give in to a desperate spirit that forces you to put up with someone less than what you would want. It is a wrong decision, and when times gets tough, the friends you are trying to impress or silence now, will not be there to help. I know it can be scary to be alone, but you have to remember that thanks to the Holy Spirit, you are not alone. Don't indulge yourself in loneliness. If you are lonely now, you will still be lonely when you get married. It will only be worse there, however because there will be another person who should have been able to make you feel not lonely, but unfortunately cant. You will be facing the consequences of your desperation every single day.

The greatest benefit of being single is pursuing the most beautiful relationship of all, with God. Being involved with God will train us for a time to come. We should not forget this. While we are single, we can start praying early in the morning for hours, without having any responsibility to answer to...we can go to as many prayer meetings as we desire. We can invest and spoil ourselves. Being single should be fun and liberating. It shouldn't make you walk around as though you have been wrestling all night. Stand tall and march on. Our priority can be God. SHOULD BE GOD. As TD Jakes has said, 'It is unfortunate that the thing we complain about the most is the need we have for a husband and rarely boast of how the kind of relationship we are free to build with God.' Take advantage of this time.

Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be married. But simply take care of the things of the Lord while you are waiting. Minister to the Lord. Focus on your growth and don't play with fire. Do not awaken love before its time. Do not be envious of married women. Just go on serving God and ministering to Him. A pursuit of anything else other than Him will lead to wrong decisions. Desire greatly for Him who is able to do everything, and not for a man who will just be able to do some things.

Being single and devoted to the Lord, does not mean that you will not want to be in a relationship. God ordained that need. But realise that at that moment, God is the one for you. He is the man of your dreams and He takes that role seriously. For starters, look at the beautiful woman He is geared into making you. I mean, write the check, baby!!!!!! He will field it. Look at all the favours He showers over you. He guards you protectively and , if you will trust Him, He will shield you from any harm. Be it a manipulative man or whatever he may be. He will help you in guarding your heart. He will save you many tears. He has plans for you. Good perfect plans. One thing I have realised as well is that God will remain faithful even when you are not faithful. He will continue looking out for you even when you would rather He not. He will fight for you, and believe in you. What woman would not want that? You are His treasure. Act like one. And then He will make sure He gives you off to a man who will love you like He does, who will realise the treasure you are. Who would not want that? I know I do.

I have learnt that there is a special relationship God cultivates with a single woman. I believe it is to be seen in the eyes of an earthly Father who completely melts with love for his daughter. A lot of us may not relate with this because of the relationship we have had with our dads or men in our lives. But a father who loves his daughter, will completely bend over backwards for her when she speaks to Him and she will do the same for Him. It is so very special. But just think then: how much more can it be with God. In the Bible, I think it is Mary, the Mother of Jesus who depicts this relationship in its fullest. She was not married. A virgin. God's beloved lady. Although the Bible does not say much about it, I do believe she was a woman who was completely yielded to God. So yielded in fact, that God felt confident enough that she would carry the Saviour into this world without fighting Him all the way. She was receptive. I can tell you today, that that doesnt happen overnight. Trusting God in such a way is a product of a lot of prayers, a lot of converstions with Him, a lot of intimate knowledge of Him. God gave her, His perfect will for her and she accepted just like that. The man fell in line...LOL...she did not have to seduce him or manipulate him, God did it for her.

See, God works miracles. Do you get that? He majors in these things. There is no striving with Him. He would shock you. Through my life, I have often asked the question: Lord, if I do nothing then who will? Who will bring the man to me? Every single time, He said: 'I will Ruth. Just wait. I will'. I have told Him, 'but You do know that I rarely meet men I like, right?' But all along, I never knew He was growing patience in me. And patience, is not fun, it can be bitter, but its fruit is sweet. When you see the end, you say, WOW!! Alot of us do not want to be patient. We do not believe that God would get a man for us. We want to do it ourselves. That, am sorry to say is childish. A child will say it so many times, 'leave me alone!! I will do it.' Then when they fail, they ask for help. God offers help before you mess up, take heed. And even if you do mess up, He will still be there. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. He will give you a good man, if you will wait for Him. And you will be a good wife because you will be a gift to your husband. And believe me, God wants to give His sons good ones too so if you want to be a candidate, please yield yourself to Him. I am still doing that and by His grace I still believe in what he has taught me and continues to. One day, I will have a testimony of His faithfulness.

In the mean time, as singles we ought to learn to  abide in the same calling wherein we were called- 1 Corinthians 7:20. That is to say, the person who is single should be abiding, not wrestling with their singleness. Rather than spending all of our effort trying to change our position, we need to learn to develop the position He has placed us in. We have to learn in whatsover state we are in, therewith to be content- Phil 4:11.

Let us, by the mercies of God, present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is our reasonable service- Romans 12:1.

Stay Blessed Ladies...:)

LET IT GO

Happy New Year , Family!!!!!!

This year is going to be AWESOME!!!  I hope you know that and are ready for it. LISTEN!!!  YOUR YEAR, IT IS GOING TO BE AMAZING!!!! I am not just saying that, or thinking it, or hoping it is true, I KNOW IT!!!

A lot of people say, ‘do not set your expectations so high, because you will be disappointed when the things you are hoping for do not come to be.’ BUT  GOD, He says, ‘set those expectations high. Come on, dream as big as you want to; I can do anything!!! More than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!’ (Ephesians 3:20). I just truly love that. Leave the low expectations of life to world…you just go on right ahead and blow the ceiling with your ideas!!!

There is so much I want to write; so much that the Lord has been graciously teaching me for the past few months, Not to mention our “God’s kind of woman” series.  But as I was meditating on a topic to kick start the year, I remembered a song that spoke to my heart when I listened to it. On the day, I remember, I nearly cried. My heart was so heavy from all the things that had been happening at the time. It SEEMED to me, that there was no point of rest. It was as if everything that was supposed to be right, was not right. The consistent lies of the devil that I was alone in this, were like drums in my head that could not stop. Not that I had not been praying about it all. NO!! I had been praying and trusting Him to come through for me. But although I FELT comforted in the confines of my room, the moment I stepped out into the world, it SEEMED to me that I was drowning.

On this day, this song, LET IT GO, by a Malawian artist, THA GOSPLE spoke to me and soothed my heart. It fired me up and reminded me of so many key things self pity had made me forget. In it, he talks about how his life was shaken up by the illness of his mom who had suffered a stroke.  It lost its meaning and he thought of giving up. The pain was so severe, he says, that he did not feel like praying. That is a looot of pain and listening to the song gives you a sense of what he felt through the process. I did not reach these levels of pain but the beautiful thing  about God is that He comforts us in all of our troubles so that we too might comfort other people with the comfort He gave us – 2 Corinthians 1:4. This song is testament to that truth. After having gone through a traumatic incident,  and been comforted, the artist himself then offered words of encouragement to others, me being one. Now, I started thinking, ‘if God did this huuuge thing for him and his family, surely, surely, this is but a small thing. If the stroke bowed down and said Jesus is Lord; If her legs started moving, walking she now dances, then surely, there is nothing He will not do for me!!! Praise God!!!’  Now imagine if he had not shared the experience? Okay, so God, being God would have reached out to me in another way but this should encourage us to be a people who speak out about the times God has comforted us. There is someone, out there, who is waiting to hear that there is hope to the death sentence, the world has given to them.

  

And the song does not end there. The lyrics continue to state: ‘He used to tell Jesus when things go hard but now he tells his hardships about his God.’  The question that came to mind was: ‘Ruth, what are you doing about all this.  Your circumstances are bullying you and abusing you. You want to ran away from your own life, dig a hole and sink right in.’ See sometimes us Christians really do act like those kids being bullied in the play ground. We take the beating then ran off and tell our Dad AFTER THE EVENT. To show Him our bruises and let Him wipe our tears. Our dad comforts us and loves us and we smile again. For just a second, everything is okay and then a new day begins and we are back in the play ground, ready to be beaten again. The thing however is, at that time, we can stand up for ourselves and tell our circumstances not to mess with us because we are loaded. You take for example, Ezekiel in the valley of the dry bones. When God asked him, can these bones live? He said, ‘Only You know.’ How often do we say this too? Only You God, know why I had to be fired; only You know why I don’t have this and that. But God said right back to him: ‘it is not up to Me to do something with these dry bones. It is up to you to command them to live.’ And Ezekiel did as instructed (Ezekiel 37:1-10) and we all know the strong army that was made as a result.  There is so much that God has commanded us to do with our words of faith. Sooo much power to order our world around. Have you ever seen that giant who cries like a baby? It doesn’t make sense, right. You always think: Why is he not doing anything?  Ask yourself that question too. Why are you not doing anything? Tell those hardships to bow down to our risen savior, Jesus Christ!!!

But while I like the whole song, the line that did it for me was: Life brings pain from the outside in, but let me show you real peace from the inside out. This line brings to mind this picture or peace flowing like a river originating from within us to the outside world. Jesus left us HIS peace;  Not as the world gives (John 14:27). It is different. The world is looking for peace and wanting it, but God has embedded it in His Children. Isn’t that amazing? You are its custodian.  It is, if you like, another of your distinguishing marks.  Shalom, the Hebrew word of this peace means wholeness, completeness, divine health.  He therefore said He left us, His own wholeness, His Completeness.  It is consequently, NOT a feeling, although, it may sometimes manifest itself as such. The mistake, I made was wanting to feel it even when I stepped out of my room. Wanting to feel the wholeness, completeness, like nothing was lacking.  And when I went through my day, and realized everything still looked as bad as it was yesterday, it saddened me. The thing though, is that I was supposed to use this peace I know/ I had because it was given already to every believer, to influence my surrounding. I was to BELIEVE I had it no matter my circumstances. This is what distinguishes you as a child of God. The Bible says, blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the sons of God (Matthew 5:9). You do not get to panic just because everyone else is panicking. It is your duty to make peace. To calm people down. To make people wonder why you are acting different and draw them to Christ, and thus through your peace, making more, peace makers i.e believers.

The Line, made me consider as well, Jesus on the Sea of Galilee (Mark 4:35-40). His disciples were panicking. They looked to the storm and thought: We are dead. So many fishers die at sea and we are going to be just like the rest..’ It is like you and me. We hear of all these people who have not made it in life. We then think, ‘we can’t beat the system. The waves are just too high.’ But NEWSFLASH!!! JUST LIKE THE FISHERMEN, YOU ARE LOOKING THE WRONG WAY. TURN TO JESUS. Isaiah 26:3 states ‘You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.' Which they finally did and shocking thing!!! They see Him sleeping; not on the floor; the Bible records that He was sleeping on a cushion…LOL… Honestly, it is surprising, no-one yanked Him off it considering the situation. They must have truly respected Him. On the other hand though, the manner they woke Him up is not stated in the Bible..we just know they “woke Him” and considering the  first words were :DON’T YOU CARE???, these were not some happy fishermen. But  then seriously, how do you expect the Prince of Peace to act in a storm. He is Peace.  He does not have ‘freaking out’ in His dictionary.  Long story short, He releases some peace into the situation. SORTED!!!

Then He turns to them and asks: ‘Why are you afraid?’ See if you are not at peace, you are troubled. You are worried. Even when Jesus said: ‘My Shalom I leave with you’,  He  then added a note that we are to let not our hearts be troubled.  We are to keep our peace in the face of adversity. If we choose (Yes! It is a choice) to not worry though it is tempting to, the peace that is in our spirit will be released to our senses. Otherwise,  the shalom in your spirit, powerful as it is, will do you no good if your heart is full of worries and anxieties and troubles. Refuse therefore, to be submerged under your own cares.  Your part is to maintain or rather to keep what is already yours, your peace.  AND WHY IS THAT SO HARD? Because it is the opposite from the way the world works. The world tells us to do stuff; to always do, do do..because if we do not, then nothing will happen. But God,  He tells you to be still; be still and not always do, do, do. He will fight the battles for you.  And every time you continue to just worry and think and do stuff to get yourself out of it, you are telling God: Hands off!! This is my stuff. But God is saying to you, 'NO! YOU LET IT GO, I have it.' Do not argue with Him. We already know who will win.

So, this year to maintain your peace no matter what. He had you yesterday, He has you today and He will have you tomorrow. Our God is a God of peace. Granting rest to the hearts of many and buffering the harshness of the winds that blow and shake our world.  You can let it go!

If you want to listen to the song, here is a link: http://www.reverbnation.com/thagosple99

How a Princess treats a man...

I remember back in the day, when I was a little girl I used to say that I hope Jesus came back after I got married.  It did not matter if it was a day after. I just wanted to have walked down the aisle and worn that gorgeous dress. I had heard there were no marriages in heaven so I thought it would be very unfair for God to not let me have that earthly experience. I do believe that for a lot of women we continue to grow up unconsciously in that state where a relationship with a man/ marriage becomes our focus, superseding even our search for our mission in life. All we know is we want to get married but if one was to ask us  what the next step after that was, we would be blank.

This is one of the reasons the blog has only addressed the issue of relationships once. Not because they are not good or they are not important but because it is very important for every lady to realize that there is more to your life than that. There is a purpose for your existence. Remember our verse:  For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do ( Ephesians 2:10). What are they? These good works? A friend of mine once said, ‘a lot of people say Jesus is their number one but many do not really mean it.’ A lot of women have other things as their number 1, a wedding/ marriage being one. It might sound untrue when said like this, but if we are honest with ourselves, the truth of it would be obvious.

This time however, God has led me to this place where I do have to talk about relationships and I believe this is an interesting topic.  I just want to laugh at the title, though. In all of my years, I never imagined I would ever write this or talk about this. But here we are. You have to just love God!! Its broad and diverse and one of those areas where as a church, there is much needed growth. It is not as important as God, NO, but it is important.  The similarities the Bible draws between our relationship with God and that between the man and woman does point to that. This one is not on waiting (which is my personal favourite), unfortunately, but on how God’s woman relates to her husband or partner or whatever you want to call it. We are taking this angle because of the Chapter we have been dealing with: Proverbs 31. It’s going to be spiced up a bit with some information I got from a book a certain brother recommended to me: What every woman wants in a man and what every man wants in a woman by John and Diana Hagee.  It was very educational and if you can get it, it comes very highly recommended.

The first time I read that a Woman of God is supposed to thank her partner for choosing her I laughed. I was thinking…'He should be grateful I said yes!!!’ It makes sense, right? I did not ask to be chosen by him. He came to me. He should be grateful I gave him audience. But the more I have learnt, I have come to appreciate that it is right that we are thankful that we have been chosen by the man. He had a whole line of women, and for whatever reason, he chose you. It is humbling. When you think about it more even from the point of view that Christ chose us, the Church, to be his bride, it really hits home that it is an honour to be chosen. This is the first attribute a woman has regarding the guy. SHE IS GRATEFUL BECAUSE SHE CONSIDERS IT AN HONOUR TO HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE MAN. It is a very foolish woman who will take this for granted. As we discussed in the last blog, a woman of God, perceives that her merchandise is good. And will therefore take care of it.

Taking care of him includes praying for your partner or rather blessing him. GOD’S WOMAN PRAYS FOR HER MAN.  And not just when he is sick or needs a new job. If he is your husband, he is providing for the home, going out among unbelievers and meeting so many things. Take time to pray for him and to bless him. Now I know, you might be thinking, ‘but I do too. You have no idea what I face’…well I am sorry; today..it is about how we treat the guys not how we are treated. Why the emphasis on our actions, however? Because words will only help when they are right or in line with God’s word. As we shall see later, neither nagging nor quarreling helps…but our actions, these are strong enough to win even a non-believer (1 Peter 3:1).

Going back then to our Chapter , Proverbs 31:11 says-‘The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.’ A virtuous woman is not the kind of woman who makes her husband uncomfortable.  I like the New King James rendering which says her husband safely trusts. It’s a beautiful phrase. He not only trusts but feels safe. He is confident in her abilities to handle herself. He can rely on her to get things done in his absence.  To be faithful. He even finds safety in her words. She can speak for him. She can make appointments for him. This is a beautiful woman to be, ladies. For someone to be that sure of you…it paints a picture of calmness and peace. You can be a source of peace to him. Unfortunately though, it does also mean, there are women who are a source of headaches to the man.  Who put the man constantly on guard or edge, wondering what they are up to or what family secret they will let loose. The man constantly loses peace of mind over their reactions because no matter how hard he tries, their response is always bad. He can not even tell them stuff because of their unpredictability/unreliability. Be different.  A WOMAN OF GOD IS A BRINGS PEACE AND SAFETY.

The verse then continues to say that, because of this nature of hers, the husband has no lack of gain or dishonest spoil. In simpler terms, THE WOMAN IS NOT A PRESSURE COOKER. She does not put pressure on the man to go out of his way for her, even to the point of using dishonest means. We have to be careful ladies, not to be selfish or self-centered. To make everything about us. This is not the way of the virtuous woman. Some women have nice guys who sincerely try their hardest, to do right by them, but no matter what they do, it is never enough. They always want a better car, a better house, a better something. But watch out, because it is this attitude that makes you think there are better men out there than the one you have at present. Sadly, this might not be the case.

Verse 12 says: ‘She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. ‘ This woman is a marvel. SHE IS GOOD TO HIM AND NOT ONE DAY CAN THE MAN SAY OF HER, SHE DID ME BAD. SHE COMFORTS HIM AND ENCOURAGES HIM.  Princess, you can not comfort if you do not know what is going on. This woman therefore, has been told of the affairs of the man’s heart.  She has therefore created an environment in which the man can be open in. It is sad that some women have put up so many walls, that their husband cannot talk to them unless it concerns them. They do not listen or are very critical and not understanding.  This is emotional abuse ladies and we are in some cases guilty of it.

Verse 3 of the same chapter advises men: “Give not your strength to [loose] women, nor your ways to those who and that which ruin and destroy kings…”. Women, you are strong enough to destroy a king. Men in high position have fallen just because a woman enticed them in a certain manner. Families have been broken down. We see this all the time. The fact is that as a woman, you have so much power; especially in your speech. This woman does not use this to break the man and tell him he is not a man. The Bible says in Proverbs 27:15- ‘A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.’  We all know how very irritating drips are. Even when you put a bucket, the drops continue, drop, drop, drop. There is no stopping it until the rain stops. Some of us are like that. Once we start, we have started until we decide to stop. Some never ever stop. Such words however, will not change him. It will just annoy him. The word of God has stated that it is your actions that will. I pray that we realize this. Oh, and just to make it clear, these are not sulking actions or bashing his head in with a skillet, even if he deserves it. These are actions of submission. They will create an atmosphere that will soften him up, if you like and you are the beneficiary anyway, as it is us who like so much communication.

Back to the initial verse though, the fact that she comforts him also means she can sense that all is not well. She is sensitive to his needs. In other words, she has invested time to get to know this man. What makes him smile, laugh, hurt and so on. Her focus, you see, is how to do him good.  On this point, my mother told me the other day, how women nowadays in the course of running up and down working, have forgotten the importance of treating or rather spoiling their husbands or partners. The book I recommended earlier says the same thing.  A WOMAN OF GOD GIVES THE MAN GIFTS, COMPLIMENTS HIM AND CONFESSES HER LOVE. It makes absolute sense. If you like it, why do you think he won’t? Perhaps he told you not to tell him you love him or to get him gifts…Be open, and be giving. Starting in your own house.

Verse 28-29:.. ‘ and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying], Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.’ Some of us wonder, ‘why does my husband or this boyfriend never brag about me?’ Well, let’s answer that one. Most of us women like to hear good things told to us. It’s normal. We get flattered and all warm inside; especially if it is from someone we like or respect. But this verse shows that this woman has earned this praise. It comes after all she is and all she has done. Some of us want praise for just waking up in the morning. But let us learn from this woman. She has been doing all this and no mention of praise has been made until now. I know it is painful sometimes to invest your efforts in helping others and not to be appreciated but learn this fast: the one who matters, notices. God, your Father, notices and He will reward you. Instead of being angry or continuously complaining of how no one appreciates you, just keep on doing the good work. We thank God her husband acknowledges her works though and brags about her. “ My wife does this and does that. She is this and she is that.’ It is easy to speak of things you are passionate about. This is a woman who has added onto his life; she has been an asset and not a deficit. A blessing.

Notice too that he acknowledges other women. He says: others have done well. You know, for a lot of women, this compliment only sounds nice because it is in the Bible. If a man said it to you, you would be asking, ‘what others? Why do you have to compare them to me? Am I not enough?’ But honestly, a man will not become blind just because he has married you or committed to a relationship with you. There are beautiful women everywhere, maybe even more beautiful than you; there are more ambitious women. What this woman has done through her character is to surpass them all; to make them irrelevant. The man sees but he does not care. According to him, he has the best of the crop. Maybe, its time we stop pointing fingers and focus on allowing the Holy Spirit to develop us to such levels.

Lastly, the answer to our question is verse 30: ‘Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!’ If you will focus on your looks alone, such compliments will not come to you. He will say your hair looks nice. Every year though that will lessen because beauty is not long lasting. If you want to keep those rolling, please become addicted to Jesus. Don’t build your relationship on beautiful appearances. That is fleeting.

Right, I will stop here. I have not really talked a lot about what is in the book but I will be sure to do so in the next entry. Please stop by for a read. We will be looking into questions of whether we should change a man or try to do so. Issues on communication and hopefully start on the most important: SUBMISSION. Till then, Grace Mercy and Peace to you. Amen.

God's Woman Continued....

I thank my Father for this opportunity once again to discuss His Kind of woman. I pray for you now, that you take a hold of this word and run with it. I pray that you understand how invested God is in your development. How excited He is over your life as a woman.  I do not know how to emphasize this but I pray that the Holy Spirit may help you grasp just how possible it is for you to be this woman. It is not my intention that you read this and consider it nice, helpful or even deep. It is my intention that you act on this word and become the woman God created you to be. She is so complete she leaves me in awe.  She defines a beautiful woman at any level. Her virtue is unquestionable and her style heavenly. I pray that may the Holy Spirit continue to teach you deeper truths about her. Amen.

Ooookay, Ready? let's dig right in.  We are at Proverb 31:16. A virtuous woman ‘considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard.’  This means she is also a planner and can prioritize.  If you do not plan out your day, everything surprises you. You are therefore able to neglect one thing for the other because you have not placed a value on it. The thing you are doing might be important but might seem small in that moment when another thing pops up. This kind of woman however is able to say, ‘wait a minute. I will be right with you. Let me just finish this.’ because she knows the value she has attached to it. Similarly, she is able to drop something that is not vital. She does not run around from one thing to another accomplishing nothing like some crazy woman.

We also notice that she is a saver and an investor. Now, I know the urge to spend one gets when money lands in the hands. Trust me, I always tell people this, I am a recovered shopaholic. Praise God for liberating me. And trust me too…it is God who helped me; no way would I have been able to do that by myself…hahaha….But this ability of hers, speaks of self control: She is able to  not spend  just because she saw that dress or liked those heels. Remember this rule: You seldom find something as much fun to own as you look forward to owning it. You might desperately want a certain skirt but once you get it in the closet, it becomes just another skirt.  It is not wrong to do this but learn to invest in the right stuff of which I believe to be firstly God and what He is doing in this earth. This woman owns a vineyard. I do not think she spent her money on things that caused instant gratification.

In addition to this, she takes time to think things through and decide on the best. How do we know this? Notice the scripture says: She plants fruitful vines. This means she has gone through the selection process: What is good for her and what is not? What we need to realize as women is that, we do not have to make decisions instantly. It is okay, to stop and think. It is okay to remove some stuff out  of our lives, to let go and let only the fruitful vines be planted in our gardens. There is no point keeping things in our lives that will not help us grow. ..Amen.

Verse 17 says: ‘She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm’. She has the right attitude.  Okay, firstly she realizes that she has a God-given task.  It is God who has given her this household or family or whatever it is. God has blessed her. Then she prepares for it spiritually, mentally and physically. She is not going to be complaining about this job. Crying that it is so so hard. She is going to make sure she rests enough so that she can give it her best shot and not work tiredly. But most importantly, she will make sure she has the right spiritual readiness. She can do this through Christ who strengthens her. It does not matter what comes her way in this job, greater is He that is within her than this job etc. I mean this woman is on a mission and she is R-E-A-D-Y!! Hallelujah!!!!

Not only this but that she has MADE her arms strong.  Her body is subject to her!!  It speaks of self- discipline. She has disciplined her body. Ladies let us discipline these bodies out of laziness and emotional turmoil. We are not basket cases/nervous wrecks needing constant calming by others or a shove just to get us working. Let us take charge of our lives. We can chose who we want to be. It is amazing how much your body can take. Sometimes you might think you are not strong enough but have you tried to push yourself? This is a woman who has made her body strong. I believe it flowed from her spiritual discipline.

Verse 18-‘She perceives that her merchandise is good,  And her lamp does not go out by night.’ I really like this one. You know, some of us women do not know what we have. We are just incapable of appreciating a good thing when we see it or have it. I know some men don’t either but as this is about women,  let’s focus on us. This woman knows/sees that her merchandise is good. You should learn to appreciate the good things that you have and take care of them. If it is a flower vase, polish it regularly, don’t rely on someone to do it for you always and then blame them when they break it. For those of you whom God has blessed with guys: Please learn to appreciate them and to take care of them. They are good merchandise. A woman of God, knows quality when she sees it. For those of us who are yet to commit, learn to recognise the good merchandise when it comes along. It may not be in the package you prefer but don’t let that side track you. Look at the characteristics of God in them…that is good merchandise on any level…Praise God!!

Verse 19: ‘She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.’ This woman is a seamstress. If you are like me, you are probably thinking, ‘okay, this is where I drop off’…hahahah…But let us not lose heart. To those sisters who can make their own clothes, we admire your gift. For the rest of us, allow me to suggest that we can at least be women who know the basics like sewing on a button or hemming our skirts or something. We do not have to be completely helpless in this area just because we are not experts.  This should also just encourage us to be women who acquire a little knowledge of everything. Again you do not have to be expert but at least be able to just know a few tips on things. Be curious and ask questions. Do not pretend you know it all…it might look cool at that time but one day, you will wish you had asked. So yes, you are not a seamstress, but can you at least sew a button onto your kid’s uniform? You don’t have to be a nurse but can you nurse a cut until help comes along?

Verse 20: ‘She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit].’  She is not selfish. She has a heart of openness and giving. Some women do not even want people to sit on their clean sofas; Judgment of people is made based on their clothes. This is very ungodly.  A woman of God opens her house up to the poor and invites them in. She blesses people with the good stuff and not just what is no longer good to her. She buys the best to give to the worst. Further, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy. That is, she gives things away. Some of us have track-loads of clothes and shoes we keep telling ourselves we will wear but we never do..please give them away. Someone needs them today. You are sitting on your own blessings by not releasing them. One time, I remember God told me to give away some earrings. If you know me, you know I absolutely love earrings. Anyway, I was very reluctant. I started thinking of the ones I wanted to give and no surprise there, it was the cheaper ones.  But then God said to me, ‘Ruth, you are acting like I cannot give you something better. Do you really want to limit yourself that way?’ My question for you today is that: You say you can’t give away that dinner dress because it was very expensive…Do you think God cannot give you better? Do you really want to limit yourself in that way?

I am going to skip verse 21 and will address it when we talk about her role in the family but verse 22 says: ‘She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made].’ This is the personal touch verse. She displays her touch. We all know this woman has employees and kids but you can see the work of her hands everywhere. Is that not amazing?!! You and I both have a signature that is uniquely us. It is what makes you different. Do not hide it, Princess! Glaze it over everything you touch. Let the work of your hands reveal what God has placed in you. I know it is not always easy because you open up yourself to criticism from others. Maybe they will not like your cooking, or designs or whatever it is that God has put in you but remember they can only criticize, God alone will judge. Shine, Princess. SHINE!!  This verse also shows how she goes over and beyond what is expected of her. As I said, she is a busy woman with employees. They can do this for her, yet she has taken time to do it. She can easily not do it, no one would expect her to do this because of her schedule and yet she does.  Do not do things half halfheartedly, invest yourself in them and go beyond what everyone expects of you. We can do it, no matter how busy we are. We can be those women people wonder about: How does she do all that? Where does she find time to do it?

This verse also sheds light on her dressing which is linen( expensive) and purple ( a colour of royalty). In a nutshell, she knows who she is. She is reigning ladies, reigning. She did not just pull anything out the closest but has taken time to take out the best. She has class and is wise enough to choose clothes that suit who she is. I find it very interesting that when it comes to clothes, we follow the world. It is very rare for ladies to google women of God to see what they wear in their causal times or various functions. In most cases we look at celebrities and all the rest. I find it very very interesting how this is not questioned but is actually a norm. No wonder we feel offended when the pastor corrects us…a lot of us ladies have not conformed our minds when it comes to dressing. Now I am not saying wear rugs…this woman does not. I am suggesting that you find out who you are and dress in that manner, whatever it is. Do not just follow the crowd and do not apologize for your sense of class. This woman knows she is royalty and dresses accordingly. What does your dressing say about you? What does your make-up say?

Let’s link this up with verse 25 and 26: ‘Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]! She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].’ What this is saying is: You can dress nice but act badly. A woman of God, on top of her good physical dressing clothes herself in strength and dignity. Dignity means inherent nobility and worth. It is the way in which you carry yourself that just demands respect from others. It’s in the way you speak and act and live. People just respect you without you having to say anything…WOW!! This makes life easy, does it not? No asking for respect, just getting it. God can do this for you. If you feel as though you lost yours, He can restore it for you. That is His specialty.

And then notice further, she is not a worrier. She rejoices about her future. A woman of God does not spend all day moaning about her future, ‘ oh, but what if this, what if that, maybe this, may be that,’ As my Pastor says: Shut the trap!!! A woman of God is ready for the future!! The word rejoice in other versions is laugh. Imagine then, when someone tells her…, ‘ But madam, the predictions are that the economy will not be good next year. You might lose your businesses’: She laughs. ‘When they say, but the way things are now, you will not be able to have more kids..’ :she laughs. Can you imagine that?…HAHAHA…Why such confidence? She knows who she is. She knows what she has been through.  Remember she is a ruby, God’s woman. she has been through tough times and weathered storms, she knows what it is to labour in prayer and knows her God. She knows Him. All she’s saying is: BRING IT ON!! AM READY!! But if she is not moaning and complaining, then what is she doing? Woooohhooo!!! I want to shout!!!  Verse 26 says she is speaking Christ( wisdom)…hehehehe…No wonder the boldness she has!!! She is not spouting nonsense and as we said in an earlier blog, ‘ When a Princess Speaks’, the words you speak chart your course in life. She can be bold about her future because all she is speaking are psalms. She is confessing that yesss!! The Lord is her Shepherd, she shall not be in want no matter what people say. She will be made to lie down in green pastures. Ladies….Are you catching this. Transform your world today by speaking right. Amen.

Verse 27: ‘She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.’  She is busy with her own stuff and not in any way, idle. The proverb goes that an idle brain is the devils workshop. Give no room to the devil to set up shop in your brain or in your mouth. Get too busy for him. Stop wasting time, wasting time by indulging in idle talk. What do you gain after you have laughed over nothing for two hours? After you have gossiped about that work colleague who is actually busy at his desk getting things done? Not only this but a lot of us relish in self pity. We want people to feel sorry for us and to continually tell us everything is going to be alright. That is not attractive ladies. Fishing for compliments is not this woman’s way. Why would she need that anyway, she knows who she is. Stop being all self- important. The world is bigger than you.

Okay and lastly, this one is amazing and is the one I just had to squeak over because I was in a place I could not shout..hahaha… Ruth was the first woman in the Bible to be called a virtuous woman and guess what she had in common with this woman. Their reputation spread far and wide ( Ruth 3:11; Proverbs 31:23). You see, God is a God who rewards diligence. These women were hard workers. Ruth, everyday, worked hard to provide for her and her mother in law. This woman, started out in her home, seeking work and waking up early to get food for her family. They applied themselves to these tasks that may have been hard and boring. And in that time God molded them into these precious rare jewels. Maybe they did not notice it as they worked but slowly people began to see it in them. That light began to shine through. God was promoting them as they faithfully went about their tasks. Princess, I know when you are doing those menial tasks in the home, it might seem as though you are doing nothing. But no, do not despair: You are doing something. You are in the potter’s hands and He is working on you. Apply yourself wholly to those things and He will reward that. Very soon, your household or whatever it is, will be too small for you. Your reputation will spread wide. Do not despise small beginnings. You are happening right now. Right this minute!! God will not equip you to shine and not put you on display: IMPOSSIBLE!! Glory to God.
 
Till next time. Continue unraveling your identity in Christ!!! Love you!!!

God's Kind of Woman

Welcome back Ladies. Firstly I do wanna apologize for not blogging in so long. I will give no excuses but only say, I am sincerely sorry and hope to maintain a certain level of consistency in the entries. I do believe that you are all well and that you remain strong in the Lord Jesus.

Secondly, I am bursting with excitement. I am so happy about the next entries from hence forth. God is so amazing and He is so geared to see to it that we become His kind of women. Women who are distinguished. Make no mistake of it, there are women in the Bible who have been acknowledged for being different, for going the extra mile and I am so very excited because God wants to do that for us. I have been hearing it often said in the christian circles: 'she is a woman of God', or 'she is a strong sister',  or 'we all call her prophetess'….So many labels have been placed on people. And sometimes, we too have been the recipients of these labels but have you ever asked yourself who a godly woman is. What is God’s kind of woman?As I have been preparing for this entry, I have been so challenged by the title ‘Woman of God.’ It actually just means that. A woman of God or rather, God’s woman. You can vary it: The Kings daughter, or a princess as we call her here but the connotation is the same: She is God’s.

We will be discussing her for a while and I just want to state the obvious from the beginning; The word of God does not apologise for being what it is: TRUTH and so  on a very serious note, our opinions about what kind of women we are to be are really irrelevant if they are not in line with God’s word. The word is the reality. It does not matter what we have been taught or what our past experiences have led us to think…The word, is final authority, and trust it to be such for you today. Give it room within you, to settle down and grow. If it gets uncomfortable, it’s alright, the word is good for correction. Amen.

 

Okay, lets get started: To jump start this, we shall obviously go to Proverbs 31. You will hear it said among many men that a good woman is hard to find. Both believers and non-believers agree on this one. This is very much scriptural. God’s woman, a virtuous woman, is a rare breed. I like this and often  joke and say a good woman is peculiar among the peculiar…HAHAHA..Why?  Because the Bible has called us a peculiar people..the whole bunch of us christians (1 Peter 2: 9) and then on top of that we have  verse 10 of this chapter that states that ‘A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman--who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls…’

Rubies and pearls, as we all know too well are not found in the yard or just lying around somewhere. In fact, most times we see them, they are behind some glass and you can’t even touch them anyhow. They are shielded from thieves and many will just look at them and wish they could afford them. This is the value of God’s woman. She will not let herself be touched anyhow by anyone. She is shielded by the presence of God. She understands that just because guys like her doesn’t mean she has to be agreeable with any or all of them. Being admired is her portion…HAHAHA…She is after all God’s glory, reflecting His beauty….who can help but admire that? You have to understand....God can make you into a wonder....but don't let that mess you up or fill you up with pride. Keep your eyes totally focused on Jesus.

We also know, that these jewels are made over time. They do not just show up out of the blue. They have been chipped and molded under pressure. Likewise, a woman of God does not just happen. She is a result of what God has been doing in her for a long time. She is a woman that God has chippend into His character and it has taken Him such a long time that He decided to liken her to a ruby or pearl. God himself called her that. She is a woman who has character and not just looks. Anyone can be born with good looks or a beautiful shape…that is free…or maybe not… as in these days, looks can even be bought. But it is only God, through His Spirit who can shape you into His woman. Irrespective of your background, you can rise up out of slime and shake loose of that shell and become a beautiful pearl in the eyes of God and man.

That verse also says, she is capable. That means she has the ability to cope. Ability to cope does not mean resisting help when offered because you can do it all. It also does not mean not lifting a finger becase someone agreed to help. It means she can handle things. She does not go into a panic just because responsibility has been heaped on her. Instead she roles up her sleeves and gets to work.

Further,  she is intelligent. I am so glad God does not entertain foolishness. She is intelligent. Smart. She is not simple but has instead embraced wisdom (Proverbs 9:4). Where is wisdom found? In Christ (1 Corinthians 1:30). Reading the word of God will also make you wise (2 Timothy 3:15): The word of God is after all, God.  An intelligent woman reads her Bible and not just common things that will not build her up. She is a student of the Most High God. Drawing wisdom every day from her maker. And because of this, her mouth leaks with wisdom that infects the hearers. If she does not wear pearls around her neck, they drop out of her mouth. She is not empty headed. And let me just make it clear here that intelligence is NOT, in this context synonymous with having straight A’s.

The last part of the verse says: who can find her? This means she is sought after  and not she herself seeking. It is very sad in this day and age that many women are seeking  men. I do not know how to emphasize this. This is not my personal opinion, it is the word of God. Do not seek after men. You will make mistakes and waste so much time. Calm down and pack away your hunting gear. God’s woman is too classy for that. She does not throw herself at men but waits patiently on the Lord. In fact, I am of the opinion that she is too busy being chipped by God anyway. This is the King’s daughter we are talking about. She has self-respect and hangs around her King.

 

God’s woman is also good-hearted. This is found in verse 12: ‘She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.’ The him refers to her husband and we shall discuss her role in that in the coming entries but for today…I am led to believe that she is not only good to her husband but to everyone. Why? Because doing good for as long as a peron lives can not be faked. You can fake being good for a only a time and then the real you will come out. To do only good to her husband as long as there is life within her means, she is that way. Further, later we even hear that her kids calling her blessed (v28). I refuse to believe that her goodness is limited to her husband…It has to be a part of her  (although her husband might be the chief beneficiary). She is a kind woman.  An encourager and not one to trump people down . Question: can we do only good? Of course we can.  God, He is good ( Psalms 34:8). He is the definition of good. How can His woman do only bad? One of the fruit of the spirit is goodness ( Galatians 5:22). We can surely exercise this.

Verse 13 says: ‘She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands [to develop it].’ Notice the word ‘seeks’. She does not seek after men but she seeks work. Praise God!! She is not a lazy woman and  does not work grudgingly but willingly.  Ladies, lets whistle as we cook, dance around to the beat of the music, not chop the tomatoes with a frown on our faces. Or throw the dishes heavily in the sink. Ours should be a life of service to the people around us.Let us be hard workers just as our Dad is.

 

Verse 14: She is like the merchant ships loaded with foodstuffs; she brings her household's food from a far [country]. If you think you are so delicate that rain will melt you…this one’s not for you. God’s woman is TOUGH. Glory to God!!! She is likened to a merchant ship. This is a vessel engaged in commercial trade..so it carries all sorts of stuff. But that aside, the thing is, such vessels go through storms and iceburgs just to get the goods delivered. Gods woman is a woman who can weather storms. She will stand her ground and pray no matter what comes away because her focus is on the victory. She will not just cower and cry the night away. If she is going to cry, it will be to God…remember she is not lazy…that includes even in terms of exercising her faith.

Verse 15: She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual] food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks. Okay…she is not a sleeper…HAHAHA..so much for the beauty sleep!! Well, we can have it but just not in excess.  This one is an early riser. She has to do so, to plan the work she will assign to her maids. Now, maybe most of us do not have maids but she does so also to get spiritual food for her household. Where from? This woman wakes up early to be with her Father.  Ladies, lets raise the bar. Lets take time to pray, to read the word. Sleep is good, yes but the more we sleep, the more we waste away the hours. I have seen this trait in the people of God including Jesus himself: They maximised on the time they had in a day. You can sleep late, our wake up early…whatever is good for you. But make time for God.

Verse 16: ‘She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard’… She is able to consider a new field. This is a woman who knows her mind. She is able to analyse and judge if something is good or not. She is not out there asking everyone she can what they think about what she wants to do: believer or not. She has spent time with God and she is confident that she can make the right decisions for that day…Oh, Praise God!!!

 

Okay, I will have to stop here because too much in one gulp will not be good. But we shall continue next time and look more deeply into this verse and other verses. I am very much challenged by this woman and I hope you are too.  This is God’s kind of woman…the one He himself has shaped. I believe strongly that if we let Him, God would do the same for us. We do not have to feel overwhelmed…remember this kind of woman just doesn’t happen but if we are willing to, we can be shaped into her. I pray that you make that decision today, to become all of the woman God created you to be, in Jesus’ Name. Amen.