I remember back in the day, when I was a little girl I used to say that I hope Jesus came back after I got married. It did not matter if it was a day after. I just wanted to have walked down the aisle and worn that gorgeous dress. I had heard there were no marriages in heaven so I thought it would be very unfair for God to not let me have that earthly experience. I do believe that for a lot of women we continue to grow up unconsciously in that state where a relationship with a man/ marriage becomes our focus, superseding even our search for our mission in life. All we know is we want to get married but if one was to ask us what the next step after that was, we would be blank. This is one of the reasons the blog has only addressed the issue of relationships once. Not because they are not good or they are not important but because it is very important for every lady to realize that there is more to your life than that. There is a purpose for your existence. Remember our verse: For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do ( Ephesians 2:10). What are they? These good works? A friend of mine once said, ‘a lot of people say Jesus is their number one but many do not really mean it.’ A lot of women have other things as their number 1, a wedding/ marriage being one. It might sound untrue when said like this, but if we are honest with ourselves, the truth of it would be obvious.
This time however, God has led me to this place where I do have to talk about relationships and I believe this is an interesting topic. I just want to laugh at the title, though. In all of my years, I never imagined I would ever write this or talk about this. But here we are. You have to just love God!! Its broad and diverse and one of those areas where as a church, there is much needed growth. It is not as important as God, NO, but it is important. The similarities the Bible draws between our relationship with God and that between the man and woman does point to that. This one is not on waiting (which is my personal favourite), unfortunately, but on how God’s woman relates to her husband or partner or whatever you want to call it. We are taking this angle because of the Chapter we have been dealing with: Proverbs 31. It’s going to be spiced up a bit with some information I got from a book a certain brother recommended to me: What every woman wants in a man and what every man wants in a woman by John and Diana Hagee. It was very educational and if you can get it, it comes very highly recommended.
The first time I read that a Woman of God is supposed to thank her partner for choosing her I laughed. I was thinking…'He should be grateful I said yes!!!’ It makes sense, right? I did not ask to be chosen by him. He came to me. He should be grateful I gave him audience. But the more I have learnt, I have come to appreciate that it is right that we are thankful that we have been chosen by the man. He had a whole line of women, and for whatever reason, he chose you. It is humbling. When you think about it more even from the point of view that Christ chose us, the Church, to be his bride, it really hits home that it is an honour to be chosen. This is the first attribute a woman has regarding the guy. SHE IS GRATEFUL BECAUSE SHE CONSIDERS IT AN HONOUR TO HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE MAN. It is a very foolish woman who will take this for granted. As we discussed in the last blog, a woman of God, perceives that her merchandise is good. And will therefore take care of it.
Taking care of him includes praying for your partner or rather blessing him. GOD’S WOMAN PRAYS FOR HER MAN. And not just when he is sick or needs a new job. If he is your husband, he is providing for the home, going out among unbelievers and meeting so many things. Take time to pray for him and to bless him. Now I know, you might be thinking, ‘but I do too. You have no idea what I face’…well I am sorry; today..it is about how we treat the guys not how we are treated. Why the emphasis on our actions, however? Because words will only help when they are right or in line with God’s word. As we shall see later, neither nagging nor quarreling helps…but our actions, these are strong enough to win even a non-believer (1 Peter 3:1). 
Going back then to our Chapter , Proverbs 31:11 says-‘The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.’ A virtuous woman is not the kind of woman who makes her husband uncomfortable. I like the New King James rendering which says her husband safely trusts. It’s a beautiful phrase. He not only trusts but feels safe. He is confident in her abilities to handle herself. He can rely on her to get things done in his absence. To be faithful. He even finds safety in her words. She can speak for him. She can make appointments for him. This is a beautiful woman to be, ladies. For someone to be that sure of you…it paints a picture of calmness and peace. You can be a source of peace to him. Unfortunately though, it does also mean, there are women who are a source of headaches to the man. Who put the man constantly on guard or edge, wondering what they are up to or what family secret they will let loose. The man constantly loses peace of mind over their reactions because no matter how hard he tries, their response is always bad. He can not even tell them stuff because of their unpredictability/unreliability. Be different. A WOMAN OF GOD IS A BRINGS PEACE AND SAFETY.The verse then continues to say that, because of this nature of hers, the husband has no lack of gain or dishonest spoil. In simpler terms, THE WOMAN IS NOT A PRESSURE COOKER. She does not put pressure on the man to go out of his way for her, even to the point of using dishonest means. We have to be careful ladies, not to be selfish or self-centered. To make everything about us. This is not the way of the virtuous woman. Some women have nice guys who sincerely try their hardest, to do right by them, but no matter what they do, it is never enough. They always want a better car, a better house, a better something. But watch out, because it is this attitude that makes you think there are better men out there than the one you have at present. Sadly, this might not be the case.
Verse 12 says: ‘She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. ‘ This woman is a marvel. SHE IS GOOD TO HIM AND NOT ONE DAY CAN THE MAN SAY OF HER, SHE DID ME BAD. SHE COMFORTS HIM AND ENCOURAGES HIM. Princess, you can not comfort if you do not know what is going on. This woman therefore, has been told of the affairs of the man’s heart. She has therefore created an environment in which the man can be open in. It is sad that some women have put up so many walls, that their husband cannot talk to them unless it concerns them. They do not listen or are very critical and not understanding. This is emotional abuse ladies and we are in some cases guilty of it.
Verse 3 of the same chapter advises men: “Give not your strength to [loose] women, nor your ways to those who and that which ruin and destroy kings…”. Women, you are strong enough to destroy a king. Men in high position have fallen just because a woman enticed them in a certain manner. Families have been broken down. We see this all the time. The fact is that as a woman, you have so much power; especially in your speech. This woman does not use this to break the man and tell him he is not a man. The Bible says in Proverbs 27:15- ‘A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.’ We all know how very irritating drips are. Even when you put a bucket, the drops continue, drop, drop, drop. There is no stopping it until the rain stops. Some of us are like that. Once we start, we have started until we decide to stop. Some never ever stop. Such words however, will not change him. It will just annoy him. The word of God has stated that it is your actions that will. I pray that we realize this. Oh, and just to make it clear, these are not sulking actions or bashing his head in with a skillet, even if he deserves it. These are actions of submission. They will create an atmosphere that will soften him up, if you like and you are the beneficiary anyway, as it is us who like so much communication.
Back to the initial verse though, the fact that she comforts him also means she can sense that all is not well. She is sensitive to his needs. In other words, she has invested time to get to know this man. What makes him smile, laugh, hurt and so on. Her focus, you see, is how to do him good. On this point, my mother told me the other day, how women nowadays in the course of running up and down working, have forgotten the importance of treating or rather spoiling their husbands or partners. The book I recommended earlier says the same thing. A WOMAN OF GOD GIVES THE MAN GIFTS, COMPLIMENTS HIM AND CONFESSES HER LOVE. It makes absolute sense. If you like it, why do you think he won’t? Perhaps he told you not to tell him you love him or to get him gifts…Be open, and be giving. Starting in your own house.
Verse 28-29:.. ‘ and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying], Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.’ Some of us wonder, ‘why does my husband or this boyfriend never brag about me?’ Well, let’s answer that one. Most of us women like to hear good things told to us. It’s normal. We get flattered and all warm inside; especially if it is from someone we like or respect. But this verse shows that this woman has earned this praise. It comes after all she is and all she has done. Some of us want praise for just waking up in the morning. But let us learn from this woman. She has been doing all this and no mention of praise has been made until now. I know it is painful sometimes to invest your efforts in helping others and not to be appreciated but learn this fast: the one who matters, notices. God, your Father, notices and He will reward you. Instead of being angry or continuously complaining of how no one appreciates you, just keep on doing the good work. We thank God her husband acknowledges her works though and brags about her. “ My wife does this and does that. She is this and she is that.’ It is easy to speak of things you are passionate about. This is a woman who has added onto his life; she has been an asset and not a deficit. A blessing. Notice too that he acknowledges other women. He says: others have done well. You know, for a lot of women, this compliment only sounds nice because it is in the Bible. If a man said it to you, you would be asking, ‘what others? Why do you have to compare them to me? Am I not enough?’ But honestly, a man will not become blind just because he has married you or committed to a relationship with you. There are beautiful women everywhere, maybe even more beautiful than you; there are more ambitious women. What this woman has done through her character is to surpass them all; to make them irrelevant. The man sees but he does not care. According to him, he has the best of the crop. Maybe, its time we stop pointing fingers and focus on allowing the Holy Spirit to develop us to such levels.
Lastly, the answer to our question is verse 30: ‘Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!’ If you will focus on your looks alone, such compliments will not come to you. He will say your hair looks nice. Every year though that will lessen because beauty is not long lasting. If you want to keep those rolling, please become addicted to Jesus. Don’t build your relationship on beautiful appearances. That is fleeting.Right, I will stop here. I have not really talked a lot about what is in the book but I will be sure to do so in the next entry. Please stop by for a read. We will be looking into questions of whether we should change a man or try to do so. Issues on communication and hopefully start on the most important: SUBMISSION. Till then, Grace Mercy and Peace to you. Amen.
